I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
