Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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