apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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