Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
