boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
