the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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