I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
