I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
