At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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