ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
