I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
