remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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