wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
