best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Everclear isn't food dammit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
