i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
