You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
