I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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