Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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