dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
