M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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