I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
