I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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