I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
