If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
