I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
