Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
