Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hippo gnu deer
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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