the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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