I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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