In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
