New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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