Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
