WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
