Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
