I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
