I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
