Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
