I want to have your abortion
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
