I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
