Can Purell be used as lube?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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