Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love having hate sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
