Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
