he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
