So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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