Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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