i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
