How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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