since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
