I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize