Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
