you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need a beard to bite.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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