About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
