i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
