so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
