how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
