I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
