she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
