we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Life is so much better after having sex.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
