He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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