ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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