It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
