No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
