i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
