it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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