New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
