and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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