You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
