Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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