Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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