I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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