I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
