for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
