I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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