nut hugger
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
