He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
